What Is Intimacy and/or Christian Spirituality?

I have been thinking about the whole question of intimacy with God, having a vital relationship with the Lord. What is it? How can one experiences it and knows that and be changed by that? There have been many people talking about walking close with God. Has it got to do with more praying, more worship time, and more reading of God’s Word? Some talk of intimacy like Adam “knew” Eve – such close proximity as of one making love to his wife. How do we come to that kind of “knowing” with God in our relationship. Yes…it is the ideal place to be in BUT HOW, HOW, HOW?

It can be very frustrating trying to wrestle through such abstract conscept which at the same time is also within one’s grasp experiencially. It is definitely NOT illusional but almost paradoxical to even attempt to explain how it works. That’s what I am wrestling with nowadays. Like I said in my earlier blog entries I am on a new journey of faith NOT in finding God but in reality in finding myself so that I could be properly related to God in my relationship with Him.

There are many things that are going on in my mind and in my heart. I am suddenly more aware of my need for God as never before. I am suddenly more aware that after being a christian for the last 39 years to realize that I have yet to know God, to know my Father in heaven – my daddy God. I thought I had gone through a lot of grinding, stripping, testing, and spiritual wilderness in my life just to realize that I am only taking a baby step in the journey of brokenness – “fellowship of his suffering.”

Well….perhaps intimacy has a lot to do with brokenness!!

An Epistemological Somersault

For whatever reason I found myself reading my blog entries in January this year. On January 21 I wrote “Can Losing Weigh be Part of a Christian’s Spirituality?” and the next day (the next entry) I wrote “An Epistemological Delimma.” In those two entries I was trying to rationalize my struggle in losing weight. I argued that knowing the need to lose weight is not enough a motivation even if that knowledge is critical. It takes one to know God who holds our life in His hand – a knowledge that gives one a clear understanding of what it means to live a life that is right in His sight.

Amazing! Months later I woke up with a sharp pain in my right leg and I knew I had gout. Well…I went to see a doctor and took some medication. Within two days the pain is gone and life can go back to normal. Yes? No…in fact, I suddenly felt that I should live my life with better stewardship than I have been thus far. It never dawn upon me that that thought would spark a new journey in my life of faith.

It has been about 6 weeks now that I have completely changed my lifestyle – eat only 1/3 of what I normally eat, sleep early, go to the gym or take a walk with my children, do not overwork in front of the computer anymore, and drink lots of water. I spend more time in personal devotion and prayer. I try not to get easily upset and angry but smile a lot more. Amazing how I came to this conclusion!

Anyway there is still a long way to go for me and I would be lying if I said it has been easy. It is not but I am not giving up except all the tasty hawker food like hokkien mee, char koay teow, beef, mutton, etc. etc. Oh….what’s going on. Before I started on my lifestyle change I weigh 102 kg and now (after 6 weeks) I weigh 97 kg. My gym couch keeps my body weight.

I have to tell you it is not knowing I need to lose weight that motivated me to change my lifestyle. It has to be the hand of the Lord. It is trully a part of my christian spirituality.